Well, AN has come and gone. And even though our group was smaller this year, and really low-key, I think this was the best year yet. Though, in terms of organization, the first year was the best for J-Idol. Haha.

Whipped up our official site. Need to change up the layout, its really ugly and simple at the moment.

Yesterday, it was the first time in my short university experience where I finally felt like I kicked some academic ass… instead of feeling like I’ve been raped by a test. I don’t want to jinx it, but *crossesfingers* lets just say I’m awaiting the outcome, instead of sitting in fear.

2 more exams left for me to try to kick some academic ass.  Darn the apathy I carried for most of this year.  

I just want this all to be over so I can start fresh again.  I want to return home as well, and move my furniture around as a symbol for change.  XD;

I can say I really studied for something, but I still got an awful mark.

Oh, BIO150, why? The other tests, I didn't study as hard, or consistently, but somehow managed to do better. How? Why?

I wonder if this is my limit. You always here this line from guidance counsellors. I don't want to believe it is. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense I can drop this much from high school. But then again, I remember talking to guidance before, and they asked me (what I believed to be) a rather funny question… something along the lines of whether I was working hard in highschool to achieve my marks. I couldn't aswer right away, and the lady went on to tell me that it will seem more difficult if I found high school easy. But, I believed naively that everyone around me seemed to work so hard, and thus, I was also working hard. And, I must admit, that in comparison to some of my other peers, no, I was not. It seemed a lot easier, the material came to me easier, and absorbing it was so much easier. Though, I think actually going to classes factors in. :\

So, I feel a little less guilty now. Guilt was eating at me like crazy the day before. Almost paralyzing me as I slept most of Saturday away, waking up feeling sluggish and even mroe guilty, but unwilling to be conscious to that feeling. Yes, it is mostly my fault that my term marks are dispicable, but I can admit to myself, and my parents that I did try. I tried. I tried. I tried. But somehow the outcome was even worse. Did something backfire? Lack of sleep? Worry? Over-analyzing questions?

Fuckery.

Well, with summer approaching, I am going to work hard starting on Day 1 and not look back. That is what I am telling myself, but I am yet another slacker student who will end up in a poor house someday, regretting a misspent youth.

I am not exactly happy that this year is coming to an end. It means I'll have to bear these marks and there is no way to change them. Though, I am looking forward to going home, and I've been thinking of moving my furniture around in my room. I want change. I don't want to be like this. I don't want to be static. I must, I must, I must improve over the summer.

This is me, and I will welcome change. I hate this downward spiral I'm feeling.

If my marks don't improve, I have no idea what I'll be doing in life. I want to go to grad school at least. I want to, but can I?

I made quite a few big mistakes this year.  I wasn't ready for independence, for university.  I've learned now, and I've definately learned alot about my self this year.  

I'm going to pick my self up after this fall, and I'm going to try to make next year and the years after that stellar.  No more couch potato.  No more empty promises to my self.  I want change, and I'm going to welcome it.

This is it.  I'm sick and tired of feeling blue about my very low gpa.  I'm sick of starting off alright, and then killing my gpa.  I know, some say that gpa does not equate happiness, but as a student, yes, yes it does.  

I'm glad most grad schools don't look at your first (or even your second) year.  But this is going to destroy my chances of getting into dentistry.  Fuckery. 

Hehe. I've been lurking on the UT Biome forums and deep down inside I'm all warm and fuzzy. I think I avoided being in classes full of truck loads of med school keeners. Score! The exception is 2nd year (next year), but I really don't have a choice there since I am still in lifesci. Once I'm done these survey courses… I'm going to be so happy!

Possible courses for next year:

• full year courses:

1. - molecular bio: it shall be ok, hopefully, I'd rather learn about ecology and global warming though (this year's bio course topics)
2. - animal physiology: definately looking forward to it
3. - stats: repulsive and boriing, but totally neccessary and useful
4. - human biology and evolution (anthro perspectives): looking forward

• half year courses:

1. - genetics: might be interesting
2. - linguistics: looking forward

I'm rather sick of the perception that the BIG (biochem, immunology, molecular bio) programs are better than the others. Ah, geez. Yes, it may be true that my GPA at the moment may not be a 4.0, or even as competitive a GPA from a person going into a big program, but I am not really interested. I think a part of success is passion. Thank goodness I'm never touching physics or chemistry after this year. No passion there. And what interest I had for chemistry has been killed by CHM138/139. Chem was a pretty good wake up call of where I stand. Calculus is ok, but I regret not putting as much effort into it as I could've. It definately affected by GPA. Biology was by far the best course I had this year… mostly because it is interesting, not so much marks-wise.

Noteworthy: they're changing the GREs for 2007. I know I don't need to worry or think of them yet, but I'd like to know. If I do need to take them, thats 2008+.

Academic goals:

1. find a research position next summer.
2. raise this crappy gpa.
3. focus. (This quite possibly should be #1 hahaha)
4. just kick some academic ass: start in the summer

Current scholastic interests: health policy, biosystems like sleep cycles (mine is totally whacked), anything physiology-related … I find it easy to remember anatomical and physio things & details, than say physical or chemical theories. I loved last year's Exerciese Science course. Best course I ever took up until now.